I recently read an article about a movement to replace the phrasing of cancer from “battling (or fighting) cancer” to “journey with cancer.” It is a very well written and researched essay, and I thought I would offer an insightful analysis about my “battle/journey” and where I would land in the debate. A very intellectual response was to be forthcoming.
Then, as I was lying on the table receiving my 8th (out of 25) radiation treatment, it occurred to me, against the whirring of the machines, that neither word really captures what I am going through. A battle suggests I will win or lose and, before I do, there’s a lot of ugliness along the way. A journey evokes a more zen-like approach to defining my cancer, almost a feeling that I have to lean in to what’s going on; it is certainly a way of thinking that my Type A personality struggles with.
It occurred to me that instead of thinking of cancer as something that is cumulative, I need to think of each step through the process as its own individual “experience.” For example, even though a repetitive event, each day in the radiation waiting room is a new experience – different people, even different candy in the dish (today there was chocolate; that was new!). My visits to my doctor’s are always an experience – never know what they are going to say about my treatment plan this time! I see an experience as something you accept at the time it is happening; it requires putting my fears and anxiety aside and taking each thing that is happening to me as it happens. I find that much more emotionally manageable than believing there is some kind of end-point with ugliness in between and a result that could be positive or negative. It keeps my fears of the unknown at bay.
Cancer: The Experience. It kind of sounds like a Ken Burns PBS documentary, or perhaps an exhibit at a local science museum. It’s all semantics, I know, but for me looking at this as an experience has made each step more tolerable.
the whipped cream conundrum 
August 12, 2015 at 4:34 pm
Well said!!!! Everyone’s experience is different! For some it’s a journey, a battle, an unstoppable horror movie, or just a plain shitty moment. For some its always rainbows and butter flies. Only you can define! Thanks for your insight! You go Geller!
LikeLike
August 12, 2015 at 7:45 pm
Another interesting post, Lisa. You got me thinking about the difference
between the words ‘battle’, ‘journey’ and ‘experience’. The word that keeps cropping up in my head, although not equivalent to the above, is ‘stories’.
One of the best coping mechanisms for me was to learn everyone’s story.
Since I am fairly outgoing and not at all shy I had to restrain myself from
asking every single person I met in the chemo and radiation units, to tell me
their story. Interestingly, I didn’t have to push too hard because most, not all,
but many wanted to talk. More then the details of their particular cancer,
I reveled in the details of how they were coping and sometimes not coping.
A new appreciation for the support I had cropped up, when some in the
telling of their story mentioned that they came alone for Tx. The reactions
of their families and loved ones fascinated me. But in a few cases their
own deeply personal reactions touched me the most and comforted me.
I know this is a very overused word in the cancer world. But they truly
were brave. Oh, not in the way we culturally use the word, but in their
very own individualized, fascinating responses. It wasn’t that they
were putting up a good front- they really didn’t have to in this setting-
they were just mucking their way through like everyone else but they
were, in their precious humanity, valiant. I learned a lot that getting an MSW
never taught me.
Carol
LikeLike