It’s been a little quiet over here at the WCC.  Last week, the doctor increased my pain medicine which has both positive and negative effects. The change is easing my pain, but, at the same time, increasing my fatigue.

Fatigue isn’t simply being tired – for me, it’s a breakdown of my body and my mind.  Physically, I can’t move very quickly or do everyday tasks at a normal pace.   Despite my body’s need for exercise, I can’t walk very far.  I get tired just walking up and down the stairs.  Walking Sadie is a challenge (luckily with some help from my Mom and the family next door, along with some days at doggie day care, she’s getting exercise).

Mentally, I cannot always think with the clarity I am used to, nor can I process intellectual ideas very quickly.  My memory isn’t sharp. I get overwhelmed easily by even the tiniest of tasks.  Sometimes I struggle putting pen to paper, so to speak.  Sedentary activities like reading and watching movies put me to sleep after 5-10 minutes (even the trashy tv that doesn’t require me to think!).

I do have energy bursts from time to time and I capitalize on these moments – I’ll take Sadie for a walk, tackle some of the paperwork I need to complete, run some errands.  Basically, I try to do the things that make me feel like a functioning human.  I also fight through the fatigue – if people come by to visit, or I have dinner plans with friends, or the neighborhood kiddos come by to play with Sadie – I find the energy to be in the moment (I can nap later!).

I know this is a temporary state of being.  As the tumor shrinks (fingers crossed), the pain will subside and I won’t have a need for the pain killers.  In the meantime, my couch and my bed are there when I need them.